1 AlGore 1:1-10

1. In the beginning were the tubez. And the tubez were void and without shape. And I went down unto the tubez and connected them one unto the other. And saw that they were good.

2. Yet the tubez were empty with nothing to fill them. And so I poured knowledge of all kinds down into the tubez and lo, beauty and genealogy and lots and lots of nerd stuff.

3. And I saw that the tubez were good.

4. Yet darkness entered the tubez and their links and webiness filled with boobies, lots of boobies. And so I said to the tubez let us fill you with templates and links for all people to post the random mind vomit of their quotidian existence. And let us call this vomitous mass "blogging". And so were born Wordpress and Blogger and their red headed step brothers whose names are long forgotten.

5. And it was good.

6. Yet the darkness crept back into the tubez and corrupted them and said to the vomitous mass. 'Thou art too clean and fertile. Let me lap you out and spew you forth in 144 character segments, and fill you with such trivilaity that no one will be able to cut wind without failing to record it for the masses with such witisisms as "hurricane ike blew from my caboose this morning. smelled like spoiled eggs. man I want eggs".' And the darkness called its evil tweets.

7. And it came to pass that I beheld the tweets and understood the peril of humanity. For verily each tweet consumed a 144 byte corner of the soul in darkness. And I wept and said to the tubez, the darkness shall not consume thee.

8. And it came to pass that I looked upon the tubez and lo I foresaw all humanity united in one site. And I said to this site thou shalt be called Facebook. And thou shalt fight the darkness of the boobies and the tweets and protect the tubez from those who wish to destroy them.

9. And it was good.

10. But lo, I erred and did not perceive that the Darkness was Facebook. And it consumed me, not as the tweets, but in endless kidnapping, mafiawar, and superpoke requests. And lo all my good was undone, but hey this quiz looks interesting....

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Yeah I don't know what that was about either, but isn't it nice to have a post from me again? Admit it you missed me. So did Beeker.

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The Struggle of Dog and Lawn

Dogs are not good for lawns. There are several reasons for this which should be discussed specifically in regard to our new canine tenant, Gulliver.

1. Dogs like to dig. As a young lad one of my favorite things to do was to build snow and mud dams as melt ran down the hill of our upstate NY residence. I cannot explain the simple joy of watching the water you've dammed up flood right to the front door of your house although the subsequent parental rebuke, usually with the wooden spoon was less joyous. That said I didn't realize the full digging potential of a bored and mangy mongrel until I went outside for the first time after leasing some floor space to the rug dog. He has and continues to excavate the rear fondation of the UsandCats headquarters. I can only hope he's a pirate dog and searching for buried treasure, YARR! (Pirates would beat ninjas)

2. Dogs poop like every meal comes from a Chinese buffet. Okay perhaps their puppy piles aren't quite as toxic as they would be from a diet of General Tsao's, but they're still not pleasant. Nor are these urban land mines small. I estimate at current defecation levels my lawn will be 60% dog bomb 30% fallen tree limbs 10% dead grass by the end of the summer. Indeed one could say that Gulliver is quite defecatious. One could say that if it was a word.

3. Dogs seem to think that sprinklers are the devil. You remember the classic film The Waterboy? You remember how the protagonists mother sought to alert him to the evils of the world surrounding him by indicating its demonic origins? Well Gulliver too seems to think that sprinklers at the very least are "The Devil". Watch the following images and video for proof.

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Out of the Mouth of a 9 year old

Tonight we had dinner with friends. Mexican. The food, not the friends.

After we ate I used the facilities. Turns out I had to do more than what I had intended when I first went into the bathroom. No problem. I finish, wash up and join the adults in the living room again.

A minute later, their almost 9 year old daughter goes to brush her teeth before bed. We hear her say, "Why does it stink in here?"

The adults almost die of laughter and, in my case, embarrassment. Their daughter is clueless as to what is so funny.

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How can we tax it if they're giving it away?

Unbeknownst to most Americans, many New Yorkers, far too many Albany-ers, every governor we've ever had, and New York City itself, Albany is the capital of New York State. I work downtown and often find myself walking in front of, behind, or around (but never through-I don't feel like going through the equivalent of airport security) the capitol building. Several times each year there will be a rally taking place. My favorite is the annual springtime rally of Bikers Against Child Abuse.

Today, however, was a rally for the legalization of marijuana. I didn't taken any of the flyers offered to me, but I did admire many of the homemade posters adorning the capitol steps. Some of my favorites included:

Hemp is Wealth

New York CAN
Canabis
Action
Network

Don't Encroach on my Roach

And then I saw the sign that said simply, "FREE MARIJUANA." Awesome, I thought, Let's go pick up some of this no-charge pot, come back downtown tomorrow, sell it and put the proceeds in the Forbes Baby Fund (which consists of the pennies in the jar under the microwave and the diapers that Pampers has been occassionally sending me for the past four years).

But it turns out that they were not really giving it away. Apparently marijuana is being held hostage somewhere by someone. Bummer. But I did do some people watching. Dreadlocks and tye dye and panchos, oh my! Before long I found myself repeating in my mind Eric Cartman's mantra of "Damn hippies."

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